19. LIVING WITH DEPRESSION #6: SOMETIMES IT'S PLAIN SAILING

By flip on Dec 18, 2008 | In My Story, Helpful Hints, Medical Information | Send feedback »

...and sometimes it's not!

It took me a long time to learn this lesson. I expected that the more I worked at managing my depression, the easier it would get - it didn't!

Taking medication kind of smoothes out the mood swings associated with depression, but it does not take it away. Sometimes you feel quite OK, sometimes under the weather, sometimes depressed, sometimes in deepest darkness, and that's just the way it is. I learned to manage my lifestyle, my habits, my thought patterns, but every now and then I still take a big dive.

Follow up:

I can give you a list of reasons (triggers) for these dives, but that's beside the point: the issue here is that you can't medicate for the worst case scenario. You find an optimum dosage that works well for most situations, but sometimes it won't be as effective because of changing circumstances. (And sometimes it will work too well, and you'll end up with a light manic spell!)

The plain truth is that nothing takes away clinical depression. You manage it, learn to deal with it, but it's always there - like a crouching tiger, waiting for you to relax your vigilance, and then it will release its fury.

I wish I could give you happy news before this Christmas season, when a lot of people will be even more depressed than usual, but I can't. I'll rather be real: the black dog never goes away, so be on guard. Watch yourself. Get someone to help you keep watch, and if your symptoms intensify, do something about it: if you're largely self-regulating your medication, you might lift the dose. Otherwise, phone your doctor, visit your shrink, whatever; but do not ignore changes in your feelings and behavior.

And don't become complacent! This past winter was one of the worst I've ever had, simply because I didn't recognise that I was slipping. I didn't even think about winter being a risky time, I just blundered ahead. Only when my family started asking "What's wrong?", I realised what was going on - and by then it was a bit late already. OK, I coped in the end, but it was a really bad time for me.

My mother-in-law always says "If you're prepared, it won't happen", and it tends to be true! So be prepared, especially in this so-called "festive season".

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