In Another Land

I grew up on a farm at a time when baboons were so plentiful that they regularly trashed crops and whatever they could get hold of. In response farmers used to shoot them on sight, trying to protect their lands, and in the process greatly decimated the local baboon populations.

Because they were so agile, a lot of the shots ended up just wounding baboons, who would then run away. Sometimes they would survive, but if they had abdominal wounds, a really gross sequel would play itself out somewhere in the hills. The wounded baboon would run until it felt safe, sit down and start inspecting its wounds. Being inquisitive, they would start pulling at some piece of protruding intestine, and keep on pulling, literally pulling out their own insides.

Really gross, I agree, but with any chronic disease or disorder we humans tend to do exactly the same.

Follow up:

We get so fascinated by the problem, with all the various factors and influences, that we lose the bigger picture. We examine it to pieces, tell everybody about it, in detail, worry about it, focus on it...

It is good to understand what you're dealing with, but if that takes over your life you're off worse than if you had never known the facts. The whole point of knowing the facts is that you use it to deal with the problem, but very often we don't make that crucial transition. We just stop at "poor me, in such a state, and nobody cares..."

The bad news, as far as depression goes, is that it is one of the most lonely things to deal with. When, in the words of the American author David Foster Wallace, "everything is part of the problem", and the problem takes over everything, how do you explain it to anyone? How do you explain that you want to scream for help, but you can't make a sound? Wallace himself, for all his literary brilliance, and with intensive help from family and medical practitioners, couldn't deal with it any longer and hanged himself earlier this year. "It is a hell for one", he once wrote with reference to depression.

This loneliness can turn your focus like an ingrown toe-nail, until it is all you perceive, and from there the spiral goes ever inward, until you self-destruct in the darkness. There are things that you can do to deal more effectively with depression, but as long as your focus is exclusively on the problem and its symptoms, nothing is going to change. In fact, it's going to get worse. Ask me, I know what it's like. Been there, done that, couldn't muster the energy to buy the t-shirt.

Here is a principle that can make or break your fight against depression: Get knowledge, then apply it. Some examples:
Fact: Physical exercise releases chemicals in your brain that makes you feel better. So get active. If you hate going to a gym to do mindless exercises, take the dog for a walk. Dig in the garden. Use the stairs at work.
Fact: Enough light, and specifically sunlight, also helps your brain release more feel-good chemicals. So get outside, especially if you spend your whole working day in a corporate cubicle.
Fact: Inactivity can increase depression quite dramatically. So DO something. Get a hobby. Go to places.

Find facts. Apply them. Stop focusing only on your disorder. It will kill you. Literally. Look for ways to deal with it, and do those things. Don't just give in - fight back! Remember that you are much more than a disorder. You are much more that a collection of bad feelings and anger and guilt and fear. You have value, as much value as you will allow yourself to have.

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