In Another Land

You must have wondered about this by now: if depression is a medical condition, an illness, why doesn't God just heal it? Why do I, and thousands of other believers, have to fight every day? Why can't something just zap us, shake our brains up and fix up all the chemical imbalances, and we live happily ever after?

The honest answer is: I don't know. And anyone who claims to have an answer to this complex issue, is (in my opinion) a blatant liar.

Follow up:

We're back to the vexing paradox of a good God and a world where evil seems to be a central part of life. How can God allow evil and suffering? Or if He doesn't allow it, why won't He do something about it?

When I was studying theology we discussed this to death, but still we had no definitive answer. I found my answer in the words of one lecturer, when discussing the issue of God's sovereignty vs man's free will - which is really the issue at the bottom of all our questions about God and His dealings with us. This lecturer, one of the greatest men of God I have ever known, closed one of our discussions by saying that "the sovereignty of God and the free will of man can only be reconciled in the mind of God. And that is good enough for me." And until God can give me the final answer, that is good enough for me as well!

Yes, I know it doesn't answer the questions, but it gave me peace. Faith means to believe that God knows what He's doing. Faith means that if God says He has a plan for every one of us, it is true. When He says that He holds the whole world in His hands, that includes me. By faith I accept that God has a plan, that He's really still in control, but faith does not preclude doubts and questions and darkness - I still battle, and sometimes I feel like screaming at God...

But allow me to mention a few ideas that I have chewed on long and hard during the past thirty years.

The first thing to remember is that sin (in its most general sense) has messed up everything on this planet. Our ancestors, from Adam all the way down, made choices: some good, some bad, some horribly evil; and that has shaped the world we live in right now. Why do we go to war? Why do some die of gluttony and some die of hunger? Because it's not just because of our ancestors - we make those same horrible choices every day, and in so doing help to shape the world in which we live. (And latest research are beginning to indicate that our modern lifestyle - including our eating habits and the modern processing of our foodstuffs - has much more to do with depression than merely making us a bit blue.)

Which brings us to some sense in the madness, some purpose for our hardships: the apostle Paul, no stranger to suffering, makes the point (in the early chapters of 2 Corinthians) that God does not take away our hardships, but gives us the strength to see things through, so that we can comfort others going through hardships. One of the criticisms often brought against Christian workers is that they "do not understand" - I can't speak for everybody, but nobody can accuse me of "not understanding" depression! In the words of songsmith Brian Houston,
When you have long given up hope of your healing
When all those prayers you pray bounce back down from the ceiling
When the last breath you take is the only one that's appealing
Come and sit down here with me
...You're in perfect company
["Next To Me", from "Thirteen Days In August"]

Paul's "thorn in the flesh" is a case in point. Nobody knows what it was, but Paul's language seems to imply something with a physical aspect to it. Some scholars think that Paul had severe problems with his eyesight. Some think he was a short ugly man with some painful physical disability. There are even some who think, based on clues in his writings, that he might have suffered from depression! Whatever it was, it was serious enough to Paul that he prayed three times that God will "take it away"(and that was serious prayer, not a quick one-liner to God). It seems clear that this "thorn" had a negative effect on Paul's life and ministry for God, so he was quite justified in asking for deliverance! But God did not take it away - he said to Paul "My grace is enough for you". And it was.

In the book of Job the whole question of evil and suffering takes center-stage. Job had no idea what was happening behind the scenes - he just knew that he was suffering, and not because he deserved it: he even called God as witness, saying "Let Him come here, let us reason this out..." In the end, remarkably, God doesn't give Job an answer - He gave him Himself. Job came out of his ordeal, still without an answer as to why all those bad things happened to him, but with a greater knowledge and understanding of God.

And I have discovered the same in my life. God doesn't give us answers. He gives us Himself. That is what has brought me thus far: the knowledge that I am not alone. Friends may desert us, Christians may shun us because of our depression, the night may seem unbearable, but He is there. Against all the odds, I've made it until today. There were times when I was ready to give up, but He gave the strength to carry on.

Yes, I have to take medication. And YES, I would really love to stop that! But that, apparently, is not to be. I too have prayed, I have pleaded, I have argued and shouted, but my depression stayed. So did God, and in the darkest nights I have found Him to be a true friend. I think that is worth more than my pain.

In this life no guarantees...
but there is love
[Chris Tomlin, "Love", from the album "Hello Love"]

2 comments

Comment from: guest [Member]

I just stumbled upon this...I hope you know that I have found comfort in your words; you are wise, sound, and despite your depression, seem to still have hope.
I, too, have struggled in many areas, always asking God, 'why?'. I think I will stop asking, and start trusting.
Thank you for sharing.

06/06/09 @ 03:40

Comment from: guest [Member]

Thank you for the encouragement. I needed this right now.

I was born with a heart disorder that has left me on several medications and other medical contraptions within my body that I'd rather not have. I have prayed, I have researched, I have gotten really angry sometimes but your last line was exactly what I needed to hear:

"Yes, I have to take medication. And YES, I would really love to stop that! But that, apparently, is not to be. I too have prayed, I have pleaded, I have argued and shouted, but my depression stayed. So did God, and in the darkest nights I have found Him to be a true friend. I think that is worth more than my pain."

God is sovereign. May His holy name be praised - Jesus!

01/10/09 @ 18:18

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